LOVE SO AMAZING…..LOVE SO AMAZING!

Anne Gwatney Wrote:
It wasn’t just an “ordinary day” feeling. I woke up this morning singing the song, “Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord.” I kept singing it, first to myself and then out loud...a mixture of tunes in my mind, almost as though I could hear it composed with beautiful music. It was beautiful especially since I cannot read or write music. It was as though all the songs blended and were composed very well together into a new song. I was reminded of the Psalm that says to sing a new song unto the Lord. Difficult to explain but a very beautiful moment. So, I sang, Holy, Holy, Holy in the contemporary Christian music format and ended in a softer medley of a childhood church song, “God in three persons, blessed Trinity.” If I had to describe it any further it was like we sing at Fellowship and some people sing one verse and the other verse is orchestrated in time with the music.This was my first glimpse of how the Lord was to draw-near to me. I’ve experienced His presence before and I was delighted to be soaking in the “Son”.

Just a little note, I do not go on walks at 8:30 a.m. It is not part of my plan and though I have given thought that I should walk for exercise, I always find an excuse not to do it, especially not in the morning. I woke up and after getting my family off to work and school, looked outside and thought, “ I just might go for a walk,” And I’m thinking to myself, “it’s such a yukky day and it looks like the minute I get ½ mile away, that’s when we’ll have the torrential downpour. But I reminded myself that I planned to keep a close check when starting the draw near study that I would be open to anything, even exercise. Strangely, I asked the Lord, “Lord, is there someone I can witness to on this walk?” I even asked, “ Lord, please don’t let it be the two women that like to gossip about me, please, (whining) but I will do what you ask, even if it is the two women.” “But if it is, please give me the words to speak.” “I will go, and yes, I am curious.” Almost immediately I thought, “ curiosity killed the cat and I hope the sky does not begin to have lightening.” Even though my mind was saying go and don’t go I somehow knew I needed to go. And here goes the thought that I was being double-minded….We like the part of the scripture where it says “draw near to God and He will draw near to you”…but it also says “Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double minded.” There’s a lot of detail between each one of those comma’s! And I would find out a lot more detail!

I rounded the block and the first person I saw was a gentleman from church (Brent and I had just met him at a gathering to find out how to be a host for Draw Near). He stopped his car and called his wife via cell to give her my email address. I thought, “this is great; my prayers are being answered.” God is helping us make some Christian friends after a long year of being new in town and having no Christian friends!” This sounds positive, I could get connected with a neighborhood women’s bible study! I thought “eureka! I talked to the Lord again, “Lord is this what this walk is about?” As the gentleman drove off, within the next 30 feet, I heard two women (both of whom I did not know) talking about God and somehow I got into that conversation and stayed there for the next hour and a half! This would prove to be an exhausting walk!

At one point in the conversation between the two ladies, (one saying she was a Christian and one saying she was a Baptist Christian) it sounded more like argument but they assured me that this was a norm for them. The topic was very deep and was essentially questioning God and why did He create hell if he has unconditional love? I am used to a more intimate testimony; an account of how Jesus has changed my life and this was a “just the facts, Ma’am, from the lady doing the questioning. It seems she had heard it all before! The lady questioning said several times how she was proud to be so analytical and deferred to myself and the Baptist lady as, “not being able to come up with something new.” I felt like this is a lot of proof she was after; and I wondered why I was sent on a mission that I didn’t know if I was qualified for. But I found myself able to reflect and give account to Scripture and then apply it to daily life and some situations she had explained she had been in. Her response was still very blunt, “I’ve heard all of that before,” after almost everything I said and I thought to myself, “this is not going very well!”

I began to try to relate with her more as she told me she grew up Jewish before she became a Christian. I said that I had just been reading and found beauty in the fact that the Jewish people didn’t even spell God’s name with a vowel (besides the Y in it) in order to make His Name unpronouncable; spelling it YHWH, because they regarded the Lord’s magnificence and Holiness so much so, that His name should not pass through their lips. All of this doesn’t make too much sense, but it is all in context to where my journey goes. I was trying to relate and translate God’s Majesty, His splendor, His kingdom and that sin could not enter into Heaven, God’s perfect place, and if you don’t have repentance it is like someone telling you they are sorry; kind of in a vague way. You know they don’t mean it and would do the same thing over again. They were only sorry because they don’t want any controversy, not because they sinned against you, only sorry because it affected them so their motives were selfish. I wanted to convey how Holy God is… so Holy but loves us so much that He gave us His only begotten Son to take on our sins and die for us so that we can live with Him in His perfection. If He brought those into heaven who didn’t want to be free of sin and didn’t want to love Him and those who were not truly sorry and did not repent; then He would be bringing Satan or hell into heaven. Heaven would not be perfect.

Free will vs. God’s will came up and finally I said, that I would pray for her and that if she truly wants to know more about Jesus and all of her questions then she would have to trust that His words are true. He gave us a book of Instruction called the Bible and I just heard an interesting acronym for B.I.B.L.E as being the book of instruction before leaving earth… I believe the Bible to be true and to be God’s word and Jesus says if you seek, you will find, knock and the door shall be opened for you. I told her I have to close my mind sometimes and stop thinking, “I’m right” or justifying something I’ve done or have contemplated doing. Going back again to the double-minded part of the draw-near scripture verse….and trust Jesus because when He opens the door it’s usually the door to a lot more than you expected!! His revelation to you is always Divine Revelation and it penetrates your entire being. Sometimes I don’t even care about the question I began asking because I have grown in His embrace and experienced so much love that I trust where my Shepherd is leading me.

I realized later during prayer that I had a purpose in her life even if my words didn’t penetrate, that she was someone to personally pray for. During and after giving her my testimony, I realized The Lord was revealing more and more of His Sovereignty to me in an incredible way. A “piece” or even a “peace” I didn’t even know I was missing…… I have been missing God the Father in my walk! I begin in prayer, petitioning the Father through Jesus like this, “Heavenly Father in Jesus’ name I pray,” but somehow I was distant from the Father somehow I wasn’t making the connection of His Majesty. I was witnessing to a lady who grew up Jewish and who said she was now a Christian but she didn’t believe in God’s having the right to judge and implying that righteousness and love do not go together.

Just listening to her questions made me nervous! This scrutiny was not a place of comfort and I found myself having to dig much deeper and when I went home, I asked God,” what was this all about?” I didn’t feel like I left this lady wanting more of the Lord by my testimony and I found myself wanting to know how to answer her questions in a more intimate way, the way I explain my relationship with Jesus and how beautiful it is. Through her questioning I wanted to go right home and find better answers; the kind that speak to a persons’ heart! Everything I would pick up to read after my physical walk directly fell into place for my spiritual walk.

I couldn’t wait for “draw near sessions” to begin because I know scripture to be truth and God is truth and if His word says, “Draw Near to God and He will Draw Near to You,” then I was expecting NEAR! I was exposed, totally exposed, to the second part where in James 4:8 says, cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded; and in that I was jolted into knowing that I cannot, cannot, cannot forget how Holy the Lord God Almighty is and that I am so blessed to have Jesus as my Saviour and how I am cleansed, healed, eager to know more, learn more be more of who He created me to be. Because He always does the unexpected in my life...I prepared myself for something extraordinary...I didn’t know the when’s, the why’s the how’s or what’s but I knew and know His words are true. I couldn’t wait but I did, because I asked for patience and He graciously gave it to me. I have been awed by God the Father in knowing Him as creator and seeing His artistry in beautiful sunsets, chiseled mountains and all of nature, but I had not thought about Him in His kingdom of Heaven on His throne with the 6 winged seraphim giving Him constant praise and how He is Perfection. There is nothing and none else to compare Him to…Even my sentence is a run on sentence as He is so infinite and Everlasting! We cannot begin to imagine Everlasting!!! He is the only thing Good scripture says and His ways are not our ways!

I think of how dirty we are with our sin that even though we are tarnished He still wants us…so much so that John 3:16 He gave His only begotten Son. Giving Him so that we may become unblemished in His Holy sight...that He loves us so much that He gave us free will because He wants us to Love Him…He wants us to choose Him, He calls out to our hearts for us to choose Him, He gives us instruction to choose Him...He wants a sinner like me to Love Him, He made us...and as I continued to think of how I might be able to prove His majesty to the other lady but at the time, felt like I was just reciting some things that I knew about heaven…

I had an incredible experience with God, one that was magnificent and one that I didn’t even know I was looking for! All of this happening the day after I had explained His throne to a lady who was questioning Him. I remember telling her, that when I get to heaven I will lay prostrate, I know I will be in awe so much so that I believe He will have to help me get up from where I lay. And it seems that after I professed that verbally to the lady and after I came home and read more of His word, Drawing Near to Him…

He took me THERE…and I have to capitalize THERE because THERE felt like Holy Ground. And to think that this is just a tiny glimpse of His Majesty! I know that I know that I know…I will lay prostrate and not be able to move because of His Splendor… How can I explain what God showed me? He showed me a Moses experience like no other. I felt like people could see me radiant and that maybe I needed to put a veil on because I know I probably look different. I’ve never smiled for such a long period of time. I could not quit smiling. I have, on day 3 of DrawNear, experienced His forgiveness of my sins, healing of my heart, He has drawn near to me in splendor and given me such love to show me that He is God in three persons; Blessed Trinity!

So powerfully elating that I find myself today saying, “ please Lord, please keep me here…....in this place of worship, this state of being.”… “always”....I don’t want to leave!!!! I just want to stay. Tell me, teach me, mold me make me......Just don’t stop, I love You Lord, I want You Lord, I need You Lord, I cry for You Lord, I thank You Lord, I praise You Lord.”

Our God is an awesome God He reigns from Heaven above with WISDOM, POWER AND LOVE....OUR GOD IS AN AWESOME GOD!!!