Life Change Stories

Deborah PeningerWrote:
I am not sure why but I feel pulled to do this. I have been pulled to do this for a long time, but never had the courage. I hope my story can possibly bring someone closer to the Lord. My hands are shaking right now. I grew up in church. My family went every Wednesday night, every Sunday morning, Sunday night and I even went to Friday night teen night. I was one of those people who thought bad things always happened to bad people. My story begins at the young age of eight or so. My mom asked me to write a list of how I envisioned my life. My list was very small. I wanted to marry a tall, dark handsome man, I wanted to have 2 kids a boy and then a girl, and I wanted to be a business woman.

At the age of 14 I was diagnosed with a disease that inflicted my female reproductive organs. After surgery I was told my chances of having children would be difficult. I was molested by three different boys at the same time when I was 15. At 17, I was involved in a relationship and then later married to an alcoholic. I was beaten so often that few wounds had time to heal before new ones were made. I had reconstructive surgery to my nose. In my short marriage, I was raped repeatedly. My weight dwindled down to almost nothing, my hair was falling out and when my hair came in, it was white and grey. My first husband was in and out of jail and on his last visit, I filed for divorce. When he got out I was stalked. Unfathomable fear. I was so scared of going anywhere and him finding me. Ultimately, I moved away to Mountain Home, Ar. While there I fell ill again and had another surgery. I met another man and we were making plans to marry. My first husband found me in Mountain Home. When I saw him I actually urinated myself. He came to tell me that he was sorry for everything and asked me to forgive him. I told him I couldn’t and then he left. Shortly after, I remarried and my parents asked me to come home, they had to tell me something. After three hours of driving, I was told my first husband had committed suicide.

I fell ill yet again and my disease had progressed to the point that I needed a partial hysterectomy. One tube and one ovary was removed. My other tube was so full of scar tissue that the Doctor told me that I probably would not be able to get pregnant. Four months later after surgery I felt ill again. I went to the doctor and he ran some tests and found that I was indeed pregnant. The doctor told me that it was probably a tubal pregnancy and sent to me to radiology to find the fetus and start the process of removing it. I will never forget the sound of the tiny little heart beat. I told the radiologist to turn it off because I couldn’t bear to hear the living beating heart of a baby that would need to be taken. The radiologist replied: “that baby is right where it needs to be. It is in your uterus.” My doctor was so surprised... me elated!!! 9 months later I gave birth to a perfectly healthy 10 fingered, 10 toed curly headed little girl named Aubrey.

Four months after she was born, my husband left me for another woman. We tried reconciling and ever remarried. I fell ill once again when Aubrey was two. This time, my disease was irreversible. I had a hysterectomy at the age of 26, and then found that my husband was being unfaithful yet again. We divorced and I moved back home to Rogers when Aubrey was 3 almost 4. The next 6 weeks were the darkest. I fell into such a depression. I felt God had abandoned me, and I would ask all the time why all these things were happening to me. I finally turned my back on Christ. I had such anger, such sadness I even neglected my daughter. I was so focused on myself I couldn’t even gather the strength to touch her.

I was working for the County and my work partner lead a Bible study. I hated the Bible studies but had to go since she was my partner. The study that day was about submission and forgiveness. We were in the small cemetery by the Avoca airport and while everyone was praying, they laid their hands on me and started praying for me. I was so uncomfortabl,e I got out of the car. I had this sense of anguish just fall over me and I felt like I was running in circles...I fell to my knees and cried. I begged the Lord to forgive me for turning my back on Him and for the first time in 12 years, I felt absolute peace, a calming embrace surrounded me. In an instant, every question that I had of “why me” was answered. I finally knew “His” plan. I left work early and drove home as fast as I could and wrapped my arms around Aubrey and said I am so sorry. Wise beyond her 3 years of age, she simply said, “I forgive you mommy, I have missed you so much.” Wow... for the next several weeks I devoted my life to being a Good Christian single mom. I was content with never marrying again. And then, my mom brought me the list I wrote about my future when I was eight. She still had it. My mom said “tweak it, the Lord doesn’t expect you to be alone. Tweak it, make it new and don’t settle for anything less”.
Well I really didn’t want a man. Too much pain in relationships and I couldn’t imagine myself with anyone. I tweaked that list alright. I made it unattainable. I made that list so hard for anyone to meet, that I felt content in being alone. The list was this: Christian man, still tall, dark and handsome, light eyes, someone who has been married and divorced, someone who has been hurt so they could appreciate what I had to offer, someone who was OK that I could not bear any more kids, a man who had a child, preferably a son, 2-3 years older than my daughter, with full custody. I even threw in stupid stuff like lucky number 18, I like thin crust pizza, I’m not a fan of cats, I love hockey, and I still wanted to be a business woman, but dedicate my business to Christ. I even envisioned what he would look like (just in case tee hee).

One month, later my sister was nagging me to go on this blind date. UGH... She wouldn’t leave me alone. I finally went. Up drove this cute little gold sports car, and out came this 6’2” dark haired, dark complected, green eyed man who was exactly what I imagined. I was so shocked that this man from my dreams appeared in reality that when he came forward to hug me, I actually ran to the passenger side door and let myself in. (We still die laughing remembering that.) We went on our date and come to find out, he was married and divorced twice, had a son who was three years older than Aubrey, named Riley, which he had full custody of. He had been playing soccer (hockey without the puck) since he was six and his lucky jersey number was 18. He does not like cats and he adores thin crust pizza. Best of all ... he was a Christian. In fact, on our third date, he brought me to Fellowship Bible Church.

We were married in 2004. I opened an Appraisal Company in Rogers that is totally dedicated to Christ. It is called Upward Appraisals. All of my cards and my company quote is “all things are made possible through Christ.” My unattainable list has been fulfilled. My second miracle.
The reason for my story is that miracles do exist only by HIM and only by HIS grace. I have spent a lifetime trying to forgive others as well as myself. I realize that there are people whose lives are so turned upside down, that they are angry with God or just feel abandoned - just like I did. His grace is sufficient now. I am a walking testimony of forgiveness. I couldn’t forgive my first husband when he was alive and that bothered me. I revisited his grave after I was saved, and finally made peace with him and I finally forgave him. I no longer carry that burden. The song Amazing Grace has a line in it about the “hour I first believed.” That hour, I remember like it was yesterday and in that hour, my life was changed forever. Miracle number 3.

I hope my story can help bring someone closer to “Him”. Thank you for allowing me to share. I feel now I have completed one thing that “He” has been asking me to do.